This series has quickly become one of our favorites here at Sigstr. And it was only a matter of time before we conjured up a host of funny email signatures for our favorite Harry Potter characters. Considering last night’s premiere of the ninth cinematic installment in the Wizarding World of J.K. Rowling, timing couldn’t be more perfect.
It’s been nearly 20 years (next year) since our world was first introduced to the Harry Potter universe. And a decade and a half from the time the “boy who lived,” hit the big screen for the first time. If you’ve been living under a rock for these last 20 years, be advised: Spoilers ahead.
Those we love:
For the characters we loved, we envisioned a life for them post-Deathly Hallows Pt. II.
Harry Potter
Harry was always exceptionally talented at the defense against the dark arts. He rose to the occasion in the era of Dolores Umbridge to teach his peers charms and spells to protect themselves. It seemed only fitting that, after he saved the world, he’d go on to teach the students of Hogwarts. Hopefully his tenure is much, much longer than the average Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.
Ronald Weasley
The realms most beloved ginger. Now that he is not chasing horcruxes around the world with Harry and Hermione, Ron has had the time to get back into his favorite hobby: wizard’s chess. He’s won two back-to-back world championships since Voldemort kicked the can. The match he is most proud of has been turned into a book, thanks to the help of his uber-successful fiancee , Hermione. (If you forget the life-size version Harry, Hermione & Ron played to retrieve the Sorcerer’s Stone from the grips of Quirinus Quirrell masked as Voldemort, here’s the highlight reel.) Ron has also joined his brother George as the sales manager of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes in Fred’s absence.
Hermione Granger
Hermione has been widely known as the smartest, nerdiest book-worm that’s ever walked the halls of Hogwarts. After the Horcrux hunt ceased, Hermione had plenty of time to put her brilliant brain to good use. Through the use of her time-turner, Hermione was able to discover the science behind the temporal paradox. She reached the breakthrough necessary to make time-travel possible for muggles! And was given the Nobel Prize for her discovery. She wrote a book about her studies, which received a Pulitzer and earned her a spot on the New York Times Bestseller list. And it landed her a gig as a speaker in the TED video series.
Luna Lovegood
Luna has always been the most enigmatic and fortuitous character in the series. Was there any surprise that Luna’s patronus was a bunny rabbit? Outsiders think she’s a bit of a lunatic, but those closest to her know that she is delightfully optimistic and just a bit quirky. Her fascination with the mythical and mysterious earned her a position as the new editor-in-chief of her father’s beloved Quibbler. She is able to write about all the odd conspiracies, imaginary creatures and kooky topics that she likes.
Neville Longbottom
From the time he was a shy, nervous and slightly portly little boy who stood up against his friends to protect the Gryffindor reputation, he’s been a crowd fave. Neville was lovable in his adorable attempts at wizardry as a neophyte, but has transformed into the humble hero. Thanks, mostly to Harry’s teachings in the defense against the dark arts, Neville honed his skills and put them to good use in the Battle of Hogwarts. Neville was honored for serving up the final blow to Voldemort’s horcrux-hosting snake, Nagini. The strike weakened the dark lord, letting Harry halt his reign. It also didn’t hurt when Neville hit puberty. Whoa. Adulthood looks good on him. After the battle, Neville has taken up a career in personal training, helping others snag the same transformation he did.
Those we lost
For the characters that we lost, we gave them funny email signatures tied to how we last saw them.
Dobby
Suffering the hand of the Malfoy family for ages before Harry tricked Lucius Malfoy into freeing the house elf by hiding a sock in a book, Dobby’s declaration of freedom was one of the most heartwarming scenes in a 90s kid’s childhood. His positivity radiates and his unwavering loyalty to Harry Potter – and the entire mission of the Order of the Phoenix – secured him a slot on our top loveables list.
Fred & George Weasley
OK so Fred’s still alive – we know that. But poor George was one of the most unfortunate casualties in the Battle of Hogwarts. We can only imagine considering Fred and George’s relationship that they would share one email. They’re using their email signature to promote their pride and joy: Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. Their store boasts a plethora of fun-filled items used to surprise and delight. Best known for their extendable ears, practical joke products that allowed students to eat a lolly and fake sick well enough to skip class, magical fireworks and love potions.
Lord Voldemort
Lord Voldemort sucked – good riddance. We are happy he’s gone. We only included him because we know he would have the most heinous looking email signature. If Voldemort were to have an email signature, he would want it to evoke some kind of horrible and annoying feeling.
Now showing: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is the story behind Harry Potter universe. With five films already planned, this is mostly a stand-alone adventure that just happens to be set in the same world. Now that you’ve been prepped with these funny email signatures, we’ll see you at the theater this weekend!
