The Latest from the ABM Experts
May 25, 2017
If Friends Characters Had Email Signatures
Written by Kolby Tallentire
Category: Email Signatures
At Sigstr, were divided. Now, I know what you may be wondering can they not agree on the product roadmap? The company vision? The rate of growth? Unfortunately, what Im referencing is a MUCH bigger deal. Our division stems from – cue the dramatic music – our inability to agree on the best sitcom of the 90s. Thats right, Im talking about Friends vs. Seinfeld.
It all started a few months ago when I shouted, PIVOT!! when helping move a file cabinet in the office. The reference resulted in laughs from some and blank stares from others. I quickly realized that we had some non-Friends fans on our hands. That led to a five-minute monologue in which I explained, in detail, that Friends was the best sitcom of the 90s.* While I was catching my breath, some Sigstr colleagues of mine had the audacity to say that Seinfeld was and is the best sitcom ever made. An argument ensued. I contended that Friends was relatable with a charismatic cast. They claimed that Seinfeld had better writing with highbrow humor. A winner was never declared.
Since that historic day, the conversation has reemerged during company outings and breaks at the snack bar. Still, the divide is clear. So, in a quest to convert Kramer fans to Chandler enthusiasts, Ive taken it upon myself to honor my favorite 90s sitcom characters the best way I know how through their hypothetical and unique email signatures.
Who doesnt like Joey Tribioni? His huge heart makes up for his lack of intelligence and cheesy pick-up lines. For some reason, whenever you watch him, you get hungry? Pizza, meatball subs, chocolate cake I want it all. Whatever you do, just remember that JOEY DOESNT SHARE FOOD.
Besides his appetite, another great Joey characteristic is his inability to hold a job. If its wrong to find humor in Joeys failing acting career, I dont want to be right.
Phoebe is definitely the wackiest of the group, but her undying loyalty and pre-teen hair accessories make her a crowd favorite. The other five friends are somewhat predictable, but Phoebe never ceases to surprise. Whether shes singing an outrageous song, raising rats in a shoebox, or unveiling an evil twin sister, she always keeps you guessing.
It has been a few decades since throngs of young women were inspired to cut their hair into bouncy, square layered bobs. Rachel Green, however, is still an icon. Whats surprising is that in the pilot episode, Rachael is the least likable character. Shes selfish, spoiled, and superficial. Over the course of the 10 seasons, Rachel develops into a kind, humorous, career-driven woman. Every Friends fan ends up wanting to be a little bit more like Rachel.
Before Big Bang Theory and all the other nerds of the 21st century, there was Ross Geller. What makes him so great is the fact that hes undeterred by the fact that his friends share none of his interests. His obscure references to science, dinosaurs, and unagi never wane.
With three divorces under his belt, Rosss love life is a bit of a rollercoaster. Youve got to admit, however, that he and Rachels back and forth relationship is what keeps you coming back for more. But seriously, that one time? They were definitely on a break.
Who knew that a neurotic, controlling, hyper-competitive clean freak could be so much fun? Monica may have the strongest personality of the bunch, but shes also the glue that keeps the group together. Not only is Monica a wonderful friend, shes also an accomplished chef, a loving wife and mother, and the worlds best house keeper. Im still trying to figure out her eleven categories of hand towels.
I saved Chandler for last because, well, hes everyones favorite. His steady supply of one liners and sarcastic comments are what make the show. Between his ex-girlfriend Janice, college flashbacks, estranged parents, commitment issues, and bad first impressions, Chandler keeps us laughing. Despite Chandlers frequent self-sabotage, he ends up a happy father of twins cue the tears.
If their unique email signatures arent enough to convince you of the genius that is Friends, perhaps a Netflix marathon is needed. Youll come to agree with me one way or another. On the other hand, my colleagues may never admit defeat. Its almost guaranteed that my declaration that Friends is better than Seinfeld will be met by another email signature blog dedicated to Jerry and Elaine. To that I answer, bring it on.
*I am aware that Seinfeld premiered in 1989 and Friends extended well into the 2000s. That is an inconvenient and inconsequential fact that bares no relevance in this argument.